Preparing to pop the question

The holidays can seem like the most romantic time to get engaged. After much discernment with each other, consulting family, friends, and maybe even your parish priest, you have chosen your future spouse. Perhaps the gentleman meticulously plans a proposal surrounded by family on Thanksgiving or right after Midnight Mass on Christmas. Perhaps the lady, anticipating being asked the question, takes extra care choosing her holiday outfit and making sure her hair is perfectly styled for pictures. While such preparations are wonderful side effects of the joy surrounding this season and exciting life transition, there is also a profound symbolism between the Nativity of Our Lord and a couple preparing for the sacrament of marriage. 

Newly beatified Blessed Fulton Sheen wrote extensively on marriage in his work Three to Get Married. Speaking of all rightly ordered love as a reflection of the Love between the Persons of the Trinity, Blessed Sheen remarks, “Every mind and heart in the world is aspiring to this kind of Love, which is the very essence of God!” 

It is in our nature to desire love and to be loved. Love Himself draws us into this mystery especially during Advent and Christmas. What better time to reflect on this sacred mystery while at the same time preparing for the sacrament of marriage, which is meant to reflect the reality of the Love between the Persons of the Trinity. Love calls us out of ourselves. In marriage, a man and woman give themselves to one another and make a daily sacrifice of themselves, strengthened by the grace of the sacrament. 

Advent: Quiet preparation

Advent can be the perfect time to slow down and reflect on our relationships. The hecticness of the seasonal shopping, parties, and wrapping up the year can make this reflection seem impossible. Here are a few suggestions for men and women who are preparing to enter into the exciting season of engagement!

For grooms-to-be

Consider taking on some extra penance. Perhaps that means taking an extra 15-20 minutes daily to pray the rosary or read Sacred Scripture. Opt for a social media fast to better live and focus on the world in front of you. Very often, social media can take up a large part of our time and we do not even realize that we are engaging in it. 

Replace scrolling on the internet with a good book on marriage. Marriage: The Mystery of Faithful Love by Dietrich Von Hildebrand is an excellent work on the sacrament of matrimony. Dietrich presents the deep theological significance of the union between spouses as a reflection of Christ and His Church. Stepping back and entering into the natural quiet of Advent can help you embrace the responsibility of proposing marriage. 

For brides-to-be

Prepare your heart. I recommend reading By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride by Alice Von Hildebrand (Dietrich Von Hildebrand’s wife). Alice’s sisterly advice, written in the form of letters to her newly married goddaughter, provides endless food for thought. She points out many of the hidden faults and expectations we unknowingly bring into marriage and provides practical advice on how to handle them. 

Since Advent is a time of reflecting on ourselves and preparing for the celebration of Christmas, it can be helpful to do our own examination of conscience and strive to grow in virtue. A nightly examen is an effective way to consider our own actions and intentions, prepare for a good confession, and resolve to strive for holiness. 

Together

Take some time to go to adoration together. This is a habit that you will want to keep up during engagement and into your marriage as well. Over time, this devotion might look different, especially after marriage and when little ones are in tow. Cherish these quiet moments together and lay a solid foundation for prayer life as a couple through a concrete devotion. 

Discerning marriage together through prayer and partnership

During Advent, there are so many ways to prepare the heart for Christmas and many of them are right there at your parish! Your parish might be hosting a Lessons and Carols or a Bible study geared toward entering prayerfully into Advent. These would make a wonderful date night and keep your focus on the themes of Advent. 

Waiting, preparing, strengthening

The season leading up to engagement can feel like quiet anticipation. The girl impatiently waits for the man to get down on one knee. The man wonders what her reaction will be to his carefully planned proposal. Once the question has been asked and the ring given, we can tend to rush through the season of engagement due to the excitement of the upcoming wedding date. Advent can be the perfect time to step back and reflect on the One Who became Man, born in a humble stable. Turn to Him for the grace to be strengthened in the vocation of marriage and become a visible sign to the world of the Love of the Blessed Trinity.

Catholic resources for engaged and newlywed couples