How to be a supportive grandparent

When I was pregnant with my first child, my aunt told me that life would keep getting better and better. Not only are children a delight and a joy, but grandkids are just pure fun, she explained. Still, there’s no instruction manual for transitioning from life as a parent to life as a grandparent. Embracing your role as grandparent while supporting your child’s role as parent can require some thoughtful navigation.

Taking notes from some of the best grandparents I know, here are a few tips to being a supportive grandparent whether you live down the street or states away. 

Serve favorite foods 

How many generations of grandchildren have core memories of grandma and grandpa that are tied to a particular treat or meal? It may sound cliche, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t embrace it. From extra special breakfasts to serving their favorite dinner every time they arrive from out of town, food is a unique and special way grandparents can connect with their grandchildren. 

If your family has cultural traditions surrounding food, cooking together is a sure way to pass on your family history and make fun memories in the kitchen. 

Repetition is your friend 

Relationships and children thrive with consistency. Find your rhythm for pouring into your grandchildren. If you live nearby, maybe it’s a monthly date to a park and ice cream. Perhaps if you live far away, you could talk on the phone every other week and write letters back and forth in between. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, expensive, or time consuming; just consistently show up for the kids you love. 

Sprinkle in the fun

Being a grandparent is fun! You may have a little more bandwidth to go the extra mile than parents in the thick of the little years. Your granddaughter's baby doll is having a birthday? Well, there should definitely be a cake and streamers! 

Find ways to sprinkle a little extra fun into their life each year. This could be buying sparkle gel markers to add to their school supplies or making a homemade sign to cheer them on (and embarrass them in a way that only a grandparent can get away with) at their soccer game. 

Remember the important days

Baptism anniversaries, patron saint feast days, birthdays, first day of school and the list goes on! There are many important days in the life of a child, and a simple phone call or card goes a long way. 

Keep a perpetual calendar where all of the important dates are noted that you can refer to each year. 

Presents don’t have to be extravagant for a child to feel loved. Your presence, whether emotionally with a card or physically attending their event, will bolster them and remind them there are many people who care for them. 

Share stories from their parent’s childhood

You have the ability to be a great supporter and advocate for your child. When your grandchildren are little, remind them how much you love their mom or dad by sharing stories from their childhood. These anecdotes will quickly become a favorite pastime because that history is part of their story. 

As your grandchildren grow, they may have to navigate difficult seasons in the relationship with their parents; find the delicate balance of understanding their side of the story while always encouraging a deepening of their relationship with their parents. You can be a positive and prayerful mentor in those sensitive years. 

Try to remember what it was like 

This may be tricky, because often the passing of time allows us to look at life through rose-colored glasses. While some of this more optimistic remembering is good and a gift from God, don’t let it color your response to your own child when they share their parenting struggles. 

You maybe don’t remember just how infuriating the third toddler tantrum of the day can be, but take the time to hear your child’s struggles. This will help you respond with greater empathy, understanding, and hope! 

If you do notice an area in their home where you feel that you should step in, take it to prayer first and seek advice from a wise friend or priest. If they agree that it may be in everyone’s best interest for you to say your piece and if your relationship is solid enough to take this type of advice, plan a time away from your grandchildren for that conversation and ask the Holy Spirit to guide your words. 

Bolster them with prayer

The most important thing you can do to support your children and grandchildren is to pray for them. However, instead of a simple blanket prayer over all of your grandchildren, aim to make your prayer more intentional. 

Offer a daily Mass for each of your children and grandchildren, and then repeat the list once you have attended a Mass for everyone. You might choose certain days to pray or fast for certain grandchildren, or pray a rosary decade for a specific grandchild and then pray the next decade for another child. 

One grandmother I know has a beautiful tradition of purchasing a special rosary for each of her grandchildren and praying for them on their rosary whenever they ask her for prayers. Ask your grandchildren and children for their specific and personal prayer requests. Take these to the Lord on their behalf and follow up with them to see how their prayer intention is going. 

Finally, ask Sts. Joachim and Anna for their prayers and support over you and your role as a grandparent. They are the grandparents of Our Lord and can be great saintly friends for every grandparent striving to love their families well.