Sobriety in frat culture? Ironically, college party culture taught me a lot about sobriety and how to live life to the fullest. It even helped me have a mini-reversion to my Catholic faith.
Cate’s story
Cate grew up in a big family that threw parties often. Beer, wine, and mixed drinks flowed from plastic cups and iridescent glasses as easily as the conversations around her. Even though Cate was surrounded by it, she had no interest in alcohol growing up. She didn’t like the taste, and that was the end of it.
Fast forward to Cate’s first year of college. Eager to belong, excited to make her own decisions, and ready to dip her toe into the college experience, Cate began drinking socially. But what started as casual drinking soon crossed into dangerous territory.
She partied every weekend, with her weekend unofficially starting on Thursday, thanks to a free Friday morning. Cate drank not just for fun, but also for how it made her feel after a couple of shots. Although Cate’s habits changed, one thing remained the same.
Cate never cared for the taste of alcohol.
Your average Wisconsin college student
Many college students find themselves in situations similar to Cate’s, including me. I grew up in Wisconsin, so casual day drinking is more socio-cultural tradition than a taboo. If you’re under 21, as long as you’re with your parents, you can order a drink at a bar. College partying and drinking were not only a rite of passage, but were considered normal. And like Cate, I never really cared for alcohol until I started using it to chase a feeling or a high. Back then, I didn’t even know getting drunk was a sin.
Today, I’ll have a drink once a month at most. I find I don’t need it to be myself or to have a good time because I’ve learned the following things that help me lead a good life.
Live for today, not for the weekend
When you live for the weekend, you completely ignore – and end up resenting – the rest of your week. Your motivation and drive for daily activities, passions, and responsibilities (like homework) seem insignificant compared to the fun you’ll have later. The expressions “living for the weekend” or “lust for life” make an idol out of pleasure. It’s not cute to go to the confessional week after week for the same sins after a Saturday night out.
Weekends aren’t the only days that can be filled with fun, laughter, and a good time. When I incorporate fun during my week, like getting coffee with friends, taking a walk, or reading a great book, I enjoy my day-to-day more. Special occasions aren’t the only times I’m grateful and get to experience joy.
Besides, I can enjoy my weekends a lot more without nursing a hangover.
Respect your mind, body, spirit (and liver)
The International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) classifies alcohol as a class 1 carcinogen. Drinking to get drunk is going to mess up your body long-term. People who are very serious about their physical health tend to opt out of heavy drinking altogether.
Often, there are reasons we get drunk. It makes you relax and eases tension. It helps you fit in with friends. You get to take a break from the stressors of life and focus on comfort, pleasure, and a good time. Maybe you drink to forget. If drinking heavily is a vice for you, be brave enough to ask yourself the reasons behind the habit.
Drinking becomes less tempting when you respect your mind, body, and soul because you are at peace within yourself. Ideally, when we prioritize respecting our bodies, minds, and souls, it comes from a place of security. You won’t be looking to depend on alcohol to enjoy life or chase an experience or a feeling when you are right with yourself. Having a drink will be a nice-to-have treat, not a necessity.
God’s reality is better
Whether it was a college dorm or a frat basement, the places I partied would never have appealed to me had I been sober. I’d probably never have been in certain situations if I hadn’t been drunk. The sin in question is abusing alcohol, which can lead to physical ailments like cancer and liver failure, but can also lead us into other, more serious sins.
When we get drunk, we give up our reason and free will – the very powers of the soul that make us like God in his image and likeness. We choose another reality where those gifts become powerless, severing our relationship and inheritance with God. Getting drunk is choosing to opt out of God’s reality.
God has designed a unique mission and purpose for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). God created you, wants your good, and knows what will bring you the most fulfillment and excitement. He wants this all for you in the present moment.
Why risk that relationship for a fleeting moment, especially when you can enjoy yourself just as much sober?
And if you can’t? Maybe it’s time to seek out therapy, an accountability partner, or a trusted program to help you.
Don’t take yourself too seriously
Alcohol famously takes away people’s inhibitions. Some people become warmer, friendlier, and even more boisterous after a few drinks. Deep down, that person is within them, but perhaps they feel too self-conscious or anxious to let that part of their personality shine.
Often, we also make stupid decisions with the help of a little friend called alcohol. Dancing on tables or getting the courage to kiss your crush ring a bell? Whatever it is, you don’t need alcohol to be silly and uninhibited. Half of having fun is not caring what others think and enjoying yourself. Be free to have fun! You still need to make good decisions, but alcohol isn’t necessary, nor a prerequisite, to experience freedom.
Being a child of God is freeing, and being secure in your identity is freeing. And best of all, you won’t need alcohol as a crutch to be yourself.
The importance of friendship
Out of all the friends I made during the first two years of college, only two have stayed with me. The other multitude of “friends” didn’t value me – they valued a good time. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. But the relationships didn’t survive my turn to sobriety.
Virtuous, consistent, and deep friendships are the ones you’ll keep for life. That’s where you find your support system that will party with you in the highs and comfort you in the lows. If your friends don’t want to make plans with you sober, odds are they aren’t true friends.
Party is a state of mind
Sobriety isn’t the absence of fun. I still love to party. I still love to dance. I love to celebrate and be in a crowd. All these things I can participate in and enjoy more without the sin of drunkenness. The problem with college party culture isn’t alcohol itself – after all, God chose to give us His body and blood through wine. The problem was the excess.
If my mindset is positive, carefree, and joyful, I will have fun wherever I find myself. Better yet, I know that I can make my own fun. A party doesn’t have to mean listening to EDM music in a dingy basement around strangers. It could be inviting friends over for a movie, having an impromptu dance party after dinner, or going to the bar with people who can make you laugh. Food, music, and drink shared with good company are the best way to celebrate the small things and the big things.