It’s been about eight years now since my husband became a father for the first time, going through the whirlwind of transition, excitement, and surprises right alongside me. I couldn’t have done it without him. With Father’s Day around the corner, I wanted to give tribute to his role in raising our kids and share some of the key (and sometimes unexpected) lessons he learned along the way.
Take leave from work
Raising a newborn – whether your first or fifth – is demanding, all encompassing, and downright hard, no matter what your baby’s temperament is like. And the process of childbirth will mean that mom needs help recovering, too. Looking back, my husband always wishes he took more paternity leave right off the bat, just to help with the day-to-day challenges of those first few critical weeks. Not every employer gives generous benefits, but if there’s any way to front-load at least some of that time off, the new baby and mom will benefit from the extra strength, protection, and energy that a father provides.
Cultivate and rely on community
For some, this means relying heavily on your parents or in-laws. For others, it means leaning on fellow dads within your own neighborhood or parish for emotional support. It’s critical to develop friendships with other men going through the same life-phases with all the joys and struggles of parenthood. Organize park outings, hikes, or trips to a brewery or ballpark. Getting out of the house with friends can be a good way to break up the home routine, and there’s no reason parenthood should breed isolation.
Simplify weekly routines
Keeping a semi-regular schedule is helpful for any family, especially in periods of transition. Since dads can end up doing more of the chores when mom is resting with the baby, it can be helpful to find a few high-quality meals you can enjoy for several days. Keep a standard grocery list, stock up on essentials, and avoid repeat trips throughout the week. Accept offers of meal-trains, whether from neighbors, family, or coworkers – it’ll mean a little less grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning.
Don’t skimp on self care
It’s no question that the mother and baby are the focus of care for the first few weeks, and it’s an important job to understand their needs so you can protect the mother-baby bubble. To remain strong for your family, it’s vital to care for your needs as well. Ensuring you get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and make time for prayer is how you will have the capacity to serve your family. Frequent confession and daily Mass. Your success as a father is in many ways a reflection of how well you take care of yourself, so that you are equipped to serve and lead your family well.
Embrace kangaroo care
Skin to skin contact isn’t just for moms and babies, it’s a great way for dads to bond with their children as well. Dr. Bob Sears has many recommendations, such as kangaroo care and neck nestles, for dads hoping to comfort and bond with their babies. Find your favorite babywearing carrier – my husband’s was the Ergobaby, but the options are endless!
Play and be silly
Fathers are meant to delight in their children. A father’s admiration and joy in his child is a glimpse into the love that God the Father has for His children. The family is the context in which children can first experience God’s love and learn how to love others. Singing, playing, and being silly with your baby are the first steps toward a playful and loving relationship. As they grow older, this can turn into imaginative play, roughhousing, and tossing the baseball around. Play is the language of children, so make sure you become fluent in their language!
The gift of fatherhood
There’s no perfect, one-size-fits-all method to being a great dad. No matter what your personal situation is like, approach each new child with humility – mistakes will be made, and that’s okay. Learn from them. Discover and relish the activities, hobbies, and people that bring joy to your life. Above all, remember that the mother and child you’re holding in your arms are two of the greatest joys you’ll ever be given; what a humbling, beautiful responsibility you have to cherish and protect them.